Love: Past, Present, Future.

G. Love & Special Sauce - Love

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PAST

There are very few people that ever showed me that they loved me when I was younger, and less than few ever said the words. In fact, I don't have any memories of anyone saying those coveted 3 little words. They mean so much to me, even though I have hardly heard them. Maybe that is why they mean so much? I don't know. Not only to hear them, but to feel that the person saying them really means it. That is the key. I have said this before.... Words can be empty, or they can be powerful. I prefer them to be powerful, as an empty word means nothing. Now that I think about that, empty words are worse than nothing. It's a lie, and it can have the reverse effect. In essence, it can be translated to mean the opposite of the definition. Anyways, I never remember hearing it as a kid. My past makes me who I am. I am an emotional person sometimes, I read into some things too much, I worry about people leaving my side.... I am flawed.

I have loved. It feels good to love, as it feels good to be loved. Of course, I loved my Mom and Dad as a kid. You are supposed to. It's one love that never has to be earned, you love your parents... and they love you. Love has to be maintained.... it has to grow. If left to die.... love will do just that. Not only do you have to show your love, you have to say the words. They still carry a heavy impact to the recipient. I never told my best friend that I loved him. See guys are not supposed to talk about their feelings with their buddies. That is not manly. It's not important to guys. Until, your best friend passes away.... and it eats you every day that you never told him. Did he know? Absolutely.... that's what they say. You know how I could have been sure that he did?

PRESENT

Being in love is tricky. As I said before, it feels good to love someone. There is alot of joy in it. If left unbalanced, being in love can hurt. You see, in order to show some people that you love them.... they have to love you too. See? Tricky. You don't have to be close to someone to show them that you love them, this is true. But, to show the depth of your love, you must be close. And if they do not feel the same way, chances are that you can not get that close. And, when I say close.... I mean in their heart. I am in love with a girl right now. She has no clue, so I love her from a distance. I would love to love her from inside her heart, and I wait for the day that I have that chance. I believe that it'll be an amazing thing, if it ever happens. I just hope that fate will allow us to come to those crossroads, where are hearts will meet one day.

FUTURE

I am a simple man. All I want in the future is to have a loving companion, by my side, to grow old with. I want a couple of kids, so I can show them what I was never shown. I want my family to have no doubt that they are loved. I want to do whatever I can to provide them with the lifestyle they deserve. I want the family dinners, the vacations, the holidays.... etc. You know, the wife, the kids, the dog, the warmth, the love. The happiness.

Girl, It's Plain to See......

You ever love someone so much, that you want things to go as fast as possible? If you have ever been in love..... I know you have had this feeling. You may have been strong enough to hold back that desire, and your relationship was probably better for it. Those who rush, most likely, have had different results. Think about it. Going too fast in anything usually ends badly. If you drive too fast, you wreck. If you eat too fast, you get a bellyache. If you drink too fast, you get sick. If you do anything too fast, it gets messed up. Enough examples? I love my girl so much, and I wanted everything to happen right now. I care deeply for her, and I wanted her to have the same feelings immediatly. She is my #1 priority, and I wanted to be hers. She is my world, and I wanted to be hers. These are alot of expectations in a short amount of time. It must be stressful, and I think it has hurt us. I just hope that it hasn't changed her true feelings for me. All I want is for her to be happy. That's all. I do want to be the one that does it for her, and I have to do my best to let her know how I really feel. I am going to attempt to do that in this "peace offering". The only reason I am writing about this is this..... It has been hard to talk about it, mostly because neither of us feels like the other one understands the others point of view.

Bella, I love you. You know I do. I tell you on a daily basis. I do so only so a day never goes by that you have to wonder "Does he love me?" I do. The moment I ever layed my eyes on you ,in that smokey bar, I said to myself(after I caught my breathe) "Wow, she is beautiful!" You were so beautiful, funny. loud, sexy, charming, etc...... And you sre still all those things, and even more so today. I developed a huge crush on you, and I could not wait for every Wednesday to roll around. I could not believe it when, weeks later, I felt your kiss. And as quick as I thought I had her you in my grasp.... you disappeared. I don't remember ever having your phone number.... I only remembering waiting for every Wednesday to come so I could see your pretty face. Time passed, and so did the thoughts of you, until that one day. That one day. I remember it like it is in slow motion in my head. I can recall it anytime I want. I had been up since the buttcrack of dawn to play in a softball tournament. I reember the day so well. It was freezing and just plain miserable. To top it off, we had lost in the championship game. I hate losing, and I remember just wanting to go home. Fate would not have it that way. It was the only right thing to do.... Go to our sponser, give them the trophy(for second place), have one last drink with the guys until we meet again in spring. I was dirty, tired and just plain grumpy. Then it happened. You walked through the door and time just stopped for a second. So did my heart. I did not know if you would recognize me. I didn't know if I wanted you to. I was a wreck. About a half went by, and I was sure you had no clue who I was. I had no idea what to say, but I knew I had to say something. "Hi, Jess." That's the poetry that I came up with. Brilliant. We got to talking, and you said...."We should go out for a drink sometime." Who me? Again, i had no idea what to say. I think I managed something like "Sure". Hey, I am a smooth talker! I was so happy when I left that place. I was probably singing love songs all the way home. Needless to say, it has turned into something pretty special. I hope you'd agree. Let's not fight. Forget the petty stuff. I am sorry for being over zealous. I am sorry for getting upset at the trivial things. I'll have to admit that I am unsure of the right way to do this love thing. I want to. I want to be everything you dream of a man being. I want you to feel the way you dream of. I want you to smile. I want all your friends to say "Quit smiling all the time! Why are you so happy?" All the while, they'll know why.... and they'll hate it! I can't be Matthew McConahey..... but, maybe someday I'll be able to say "He can't be me, either!" I have been overbearing. I apologize. i really do. It has been tearing me apart watching us fall. I only want to be your man. I want to do everything for you. For me. For us. You mean the world to me.... just give me a chance to show you. I love you Mama.


Brian Mcknight - Back at one

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