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..... Or Are They?

I said in that last post that words are just words. What I should have said is.... words are just words to some people. We have all said things that we don't mean. We all have also said things that we truly do mean. The problem lies here.... when you are more likely to say things that you don't mean.... so when you say things you really mean, it's hard to believe you. We have all said this before...."But, I mean it this time." The only reason to say something like this is because yo have said things you didn't mean too many times. So, I guess my advice to you and myself is this.... if you don't mean it, don't say it.

As most of you know, I will put my heart on this blog. I will say exactly how I feel, when I feel like it. Sometimes it works out pretty well. Sometimes I end up falling on my face.... Here is one of those times that I pray I don't fall...................

I'm Not Gonna Lie

I'm in Love. I could lie and say it's not true. But, I won't. I'm going to put it all on the line right now. I'll say what I have to say, and see where it goes. You know who you are, so I won't put your name on here. I don't wanna put you out there like that. I'm done with the games, this is what I'm about.........

When I wake up in the morning, I wonder if you are sleeping peacefully in your bed. I wish I could roll over and kiss you good morning, and see your pretty face. On my way to work, I wonder if it's too early to text you. I try to find a way to make the day go as fast as possible, so I can get home and maybe see you. At night, I lay in bed wondering if I'll see you the next day. That's how it has been lately. And I've gotten nowhere. I wonder what I can do different to make you see that this is real?

The last two days that I have seen you has gone like this..... Saturday, I invite you to my house for a little pregame, we drank, smoked and had a good time. Then we go to my cousins' bar to watch the fight.... we drink some more and have a blast with my friends. I made sure you were comfortable. Then we go to another bar just to have a drink, we play a game of foosball, go to Taco Bell and head back to my place. We get comfortable, smoke again.... and watch the Simpsons movie( SpiderPig, SpiderPig... does whatever a SpiderPig does.....). Remember, I asked for a kiss every ten minutes? It was a great night.

Sunday night was a little different, but none the less great. Matter of fact, it was better. When I knew that you were coming over, I decided to cook us dinner. I decided to go all out. Made a pretty good dinner, I think. I even made us dessert. Remember the flying strawberry? You graciously let me watch about a half hour of the All-Star game. Then, I promised you we could watch Halloween( even though it is Febuary ). We snuggled up a little bit by the fire. After the movie, we watched a little tv.... then we played pinball for awhile, and I kicked your ass. Then we played name that tune for about two hours, and you seen the picture on tv of me when I was in that group!!! You didn't wanna leave, and I didn't want you to leave.... but the sun was about to show its face. It was one of those times where as soon as you get home.... you start texting, because you miss each other already. Remember what you said?.........

" I miss you already "

" I'm sorry for all the fights and mean things I've said, even when I didn't mean them "

" I know you might not believe me Shawn, but I'll never leave you again, and I'm actually falling in love with you "

" I don't want anyone else, you have to trust me "

" When I'm with you, I feel like no one else is around but me "

How does it go from that to Monday.... You said you were coming to my house if the roads were clear. I waited for two hours, to find out the roads must not have been good enough to drive to my house, but good enough to drive to Cleveland to lay in another mans bed. Not only that, but you write online and brag about it..... and I take a backseat........ again. And tell me the next day that it's not my business where you sleep. Sigh. I guess it's not. My mistake was believing that it was my business.... after all those other words you said.

Maybe you should not say words that you don't mean. Maybe I should not fall in love with someone that has told me before that they'll never love me like I love them. Maybe I should not follow my heart. Maybe.

Again, I'm not going to lie. I am deeply in love with you bella, you know this. I wanna love you unconditionally, and be loved the same way. I wanna show you how it should be. I begged you not to do this to me again..... I couldn't take it again. I can't. I need you, I want you, I love you.

Somebody Call the Paramedics.....

I cant do it like I used to. I must be getting old. It's either that or the game has changed. I can remember when you'd meet a girl somewhere, flirt with her, dance with her, walk her to her car at the end of the night, and maybe get a kiss. Let's assume that you both are feeling each other. You would try your hardest not to text her that night... you wouldn't want to seem over zealous. And that lasted about an hour! You'd send her something innocent to try to start a conversation.... "Hope you got home safe, it was nice meeting you". Whether she responded that night or the next day.... it was great. Let's say it got to the point of taling everyday, maybe a few harmless dates.... then real feelings emerge. You can't stop thinking about her, and you don't want to. You can smell her perfume all day, you can feel her lips on yours.... you text each other all day for no apparent reason. You can't wait to get off work to see her. She can't either. You say things to each other like.... "I miss you so much"..... five minutes after she leaves your house. And it's real because that is how you feel......

Things are either not that way anymore.... or I can't find that girl who feels that way about me. Maybe a little of both. I want a girl to feel that way though..... like when she wakes up, she is counting down the hours and minutes until she can see me again. And even if she can't see me..... there is no doubt that we will be talking all day. And if we don't see each other... it's only because it wasn't possible. Not because either one of us was looking for something better to come along. Because if the feelings are real..... there is nothing better that can possibly come along.

Maybe those days are over for me. I still get those feelings though. And I guess that someday someone will get all giddy about me again. I just pray that the feelings are mutual.

My problem has been this.... I follow my heart no matter where it tells me to go. And some people will say that is foolish. I might agree on occasion. But, I am a believer. I believe that true love is out there. I believe that you must truly believe in something for it to be real. I'm in love right now. I'll never be with this person the way I want to be. That's how I feel at this minute. But, be assured, that as soon as I see her smile.... that feeling will change. Not that it matters too much if her feelings are nowhere close to mine. I can't figure it out because the words are always there.... but words are just words.

It's Been A Long Time......

I shouldn't have left you.... without a dope beat to step to, step to, step, step, step to........ I'm back!!!

Love: Past, Present, Future.

G. Love & Special Sauce - Love

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PAST

There are very few people that ever showed me that they loved me when I was younger, and less than few ever said the words. In fact, I don't have any memories of anyone saying those coveted 3 little words. They mean so much to me, even though I have hardly heard them. Maybe that is why they mean so much? I don't know. Not only to hear them, but to feel that the person saying them really means it. That is the key. I have said this before.... Words can be empty, or they can be powerful. I prefer them to be powerful, as an empty word means nothing. Now that I think about that, empty words are worse than nothing. It's a lie, and it can have the reverse effect. In essence, it can be translated to mean the opposite of the definition. Anyways, I never remember hearing it as a kid. My past makes me who I am. I am an emotional person sometimes, I read into some things too much, I worry about people leaving my side.... I am flawed.

I have loved. It feels good to love, as it feels good to be loved. Of course, I loved my Mom and Dad as a kid. You are supposed to. It's one love that never has to be earned, you love your parents... and they love you. Love has to be maintained.... it has to grow. If left to die.... love will do just that. Not only do you have to show your love, you have to say the words. They still carry a heavy impact to the recipient. I never told my best friend that I loved him. See guys are not supposed to talk about their feelings with their buddies. That is not manly. It's not important to guys. Until, your best friend passes away.... and it eats you every day that you never told him. Did he know? Absolutely.... that's what they say. You know how I could have been sure that he did?

PRESENT

Being in love is tricky. As I said before, it feels good to love someone. There is alot of joy in it. If left unbalanced, being in love can hurt. You see, in order to show some people that you love them.... they have to love you too. See? Tricky. You don't have to be close to someone to show them that you love them, this is true. But, to show the depth of your love, you must be close. And if they do not feel the same way, chances are that you can not get that close. And, when I say close.... I mean in their heart. I am in love with a girl right now. She has no clue, so I love her from a distance. I would love to love her from inside her heart, and I wait for the day that I have that chance. I believe that it'll be an amazing thing, if it ever happens. I just hope that fate will allow us to come to those crossroads, where are hearts will meet one day.

FUTURE

I am a simple man. All I want in the future is to have a loving companion, by my side, to grow old with. I want a couple of kids, so I can show them what I was never shown. I want my family to have no doubt that they are loved. I want to do whatever I can to provide them with the lifestyle they deserve. I want the family dinners, the vacations, the holidays.... etc. You know, the wife, the kids, the dog, the warmth, the love. The happiness.

Girl, It's Plain to See......

You ever love someone so much, that you want things to go as fast as possible? If you have ever been in love..... I know you have had this feeling. You may have been strong enough to hold back that desire, and your relationship was probably better for it. Those who rush, most likely, have had different results. Think about it. Going too fast in anything usually ends badly. If you drive too fast, you wreck. If you eat too fast, you get a bellyache. If you drink too fast, you get sick. If you do anything too fast, it gets messed up. Enough examples? I love my girl so much, and I wanted everything to happen right now. I care deeply for her, and I wanted her to have the same feelings immediatly. She is my #1 priority, and I wanted to be hers. She is my world, and I wanted to be hers. These are alot of expectations in a short amount of time. It must be stressful, and I think it has hurt us. I just hope that it hasn't changed her true feelings for me. All I want is for her to be happy. That's all. I do want to be the one that does it for her, and I have to do my best to let her know how I really feel. I am going to attempt to do that in this "peace offering". The only reason I am writing about this is this..... It has been hard to talk about it, mostly because neither of us feels like the other one understands the others point of view.

Bella, I love you. You know I do. I tell you on a daily basis. I do so only so a day never goes by that you have to wonder "Does he love me?" I do. The moment I ever layed my eyes on you ,in that smokey bar, I said to myself(after I caught my breathe) "Wow, she is beautiful!" You were so beautiful, funny. loud, sexy, charming, etc...... And you sre still all those things, and even more so today. I developed a huge crush on you, and I could not wait for every Wednesday to roll around. I could not believe it when, weeks later, I felt your kiss. And as quick as I thought I had her you in my grasp.... you disappeared. I don't remember ever having your phone number.... I only remembering waiting for every Wednesday to come so I could see your pretty face. Time passed, and so did the thoughts of you, until that one day. That one day. I remember it like it is in slow motion in my head. I can recall it anytime I want. I had been up since the buttcrack of dawn to play in a softball tournament. I reember the day so well. It was freezing and just plain miserable. To top it off, we had lost in the championship game. I hate losing, and I remember just wanting to go home. Fate would not have it that way. It was the only right thing to do.... Go to our sponser, give them the trophy(for second place), have one last drink with the guys until we meet again in spring. I was dirty, tired and just plain grumpy. Then it happened. You walked through the door and time just stopped for a second. So did my heart. I did not know if you would recognize me. I didn't know if I wanted you to. I was a wreck. About a half went by, and I was sure you had no clue who I was. I had no idea what to say, but I knew I had to say something. "Hi, Jess." That's the poetry that I came up with. Brilliant. We got to talking, and you said...."We should go out for a drink sometime." Who me? Again, i had no idea what to say. I think I managed something like "Sure". Hey, I am a smooth talker! I was so happy when I left that place. I was probably singing love songs all the way home. Needless to say, it has turned into something pretty special. I hope you'd agree. Let's not fight. Forget the petty stuff. I am sorry for being over zealous. I am sorry for getting upset at the trivial things. I'll have to admit that I am unsure of the right way to do this love thing. I want to. I want to be everything you dream of a man being. I want you to feel the way you dream of. I want you to smile. I want all your friends to say "Quit smiling all the time! Why are you so happy?" All the while, they'll know why.... and they'll hate it! I can't be Matthew McConahey..... but, maybe someday I'll be able to say "He can't be me, either!" I have been overbearing. I apologize. i really do. It has been tearing me apart watching us fall. I only want to be your man. I want to do everything for you. For me. For us. You mean the world to me.... just give me a chance to show you. I love you Mama.


Brian Mcknight - Back at one

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When She Leaves... I Be Talking Again!

My girl is a princess. My girl is beautiful. My girl is the boss. Plain and simple, she is the boss. I am under no illusions that I am the boss, or that I ever will be. I am also ok with this. I love her and she loves me, and as long as it stays that way..... I am cool. See, if you never have been in love.... you have no idea. You are probably sitting there saying "This cat is a bitch" (Say it to my face... lol, kidding), his girl controls him. You got it twisted. Yes, she is the boss.... but, I am treated more than fair ( I get smoke breaks, a lunch break, and other benefits. *wink*). And every once in a while I get to play boss..... for a minute. Why am I telling you this? I want guys to know that you need to let your girl be the boss. She is smarter than you, better looking than you, more driven than you, and will get you where you need to be. If your girl is not all of these things..... it's gonna be a long life for you. I suggest you find her. You are not less of a man if your girl is the boss. Cuz listen, when Jess tell me to shut up.... I stop talking. But, when she leaves.... I be talking again.

Also, fellas.... Say what you will, but when you see me with my girl.... try to pretend you don't wanna be me. Hater.


My girl has been asking for a long time for this..... she has said repeatedly that she wishes someone would sing her this song..... Enjoy!

shorty like mine - bow wow feat chris brown

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All I can say is wow.




AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT SEEN IT..........

SNL - Dick in a Box

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